Some people want to gain weight for the purpose of building muscle, and competing in body building competitions. Others simply want to add a little pleasant plumpness to their skinny frame. If you’re part of the latter group, then this post is for you. Keep in mind that it is generally considered rather unhealthy to intentionally put on weight or get fat, so please keep that in mind when reading this guide. Here’s a disclaimer: Don’t do anything stated in this column; you’ll get fat, and that is unhealthy. That being said, here you go.
The first step in gaining weight is to eat a ton of calories. This is true whether you want to get strong, or you just want to get bigger. You want to know how to get fat fast? Drink a gallon of whole milk every day. This a great way to put on weight if you’re weight lifting because there’s 
plenty of protein in milk, but there’s also a ton of calories in whole milk. Whether or not you boost your calories in this way or not, increasing your caloric intake is really the easiest way to gain weight. You might say you “eat everything you want” or “eat tons of junk food, and still don’t get fat,” but I challenge you to actually keep track of your intake. It’s not as high as you think it is. Try boosting that to 5000, or even 10,000 calories a day. You will see results in a month, without a doubt. Eat until you feel you might be sick, then eat some more. You have to learn to suppress that gag reflex. Believe it or not, for some of us, it’s actually very difficult to eat enough to get big, so it might take some work. If you’re trying to figure out how to get fat in a week, well that just might not be possible. To go from skinny to fat takes a little effort and some time. You might gain weight in a week, but to be noticeably fatter might require at least a month.
In order to really maximize your effort in how to get a fat belly, do no exercise. Literally no exercise. If you can’t find the remote for the TV, you’re not changing the channel; that might burn those precious calories you’ve been shoving down your gullet. Definitely don’t do sit-ups, as that will build muscle that will pull that belly in. You want it all just hanging out there being floppity and jiggly. If you belong to a sports team, you’re going to have to quit, or at least postpone those activities. There are only two acceptable sports to play while trying to get fat; softball and kickball. These sports require little effort, and usually encourage the consumption of food and beer while playing (more calories).
If you are trying to figure out how to get fat without really trying, I’m sorry, but you might not be able to make it. As I said, it actually requires some effort to get fat if you aren’t already predisposed to being fat. What makes me an expert in getting fat? I am actually that person who people hate because I stay skinny “no matter what.” I decided to experiment, and I found that by skyrocketing the amount of calories I eat, while reducing my activity, I actually could get fat (duh). I gained 30 lbs in two months, by doing those two simple steps. I ate 5 times a day and consumed about 10k calories every day while doing basically no exercise. This is also how I know it takes some work. If you are skinny and really want to see what it’s like on the “other side,” it’s not going to be fun or easy. You know what also wasn’t easy? Losing that 30 lbs once I’d had enough of that little experiment. Luckily I have though, by simply doing the reverse of the above – reducing calories and doing exercise (duh x 2).
Seriously though, if you’re really trying to figure out how to get fat, I imagine you have your reasons. Follow the guidance above, but don’t blame me, or this website if you have health-related complications as a result of your endeavor. This quest isn’t something I’d really recommend to anyone.
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